Emotional Intelligence - sprint - 3

Some words on Eq & iQ

What is Emotional Intelligence? Hopefully what you are about to read makes some kind of sense, it's a bit of a thought dump on this vast and interesting topic. A lot of literature on wellbeing of different sorts may mention a lot about balance in different respects of our lives. While a lot of this is true, we shouldn’t focus our entire effort regarding wellbeing to find some kind of perfect middle ground *spoiler* (it doesn’t exist, well it certainly can't all of the time constantly). We all have ups and downs and experience all of the array of emotions that go along with our adventure through this life. Stressfully trying to maintain this false idea some people push of everything being perfect and happy all of the time can be very detremental. It's just not realistic. But there is much we can learn about ourselves and emotions to manage ourselves and our lives in a more positive and productive way. this can also refelct onto others around us. As well as ourselves gaining the knowledge to recognise these emotions in others and have an empathic understanding of what they are.

This is where EQ can come in! A lot of the way society is and the ways success is portrayed to us often from an early age, is that it’s all about iQ. That you have to cram and cram and cram whatever is in your textbooks and get as smart as possible to be successful, and if you don’t do this and get A+++ on every test then you are nothing but a nobody with no chance of really going too far in life. Now that may seem like a slight exaggeration, well it is kind of... but in reality for a lot of people it’s not. We don’t all learn in the same ways, we are all emotionally different just as much as our IQ’s are different. We all have strengths and we all have weaknesses, (Yes, even Chuck Norris!). Having the only focus on learning directed heavily in iQ based learning and casting aside EQ is recipe for catastrophe somewhere along the line.

Those pressures and societal designs and methods of learning, a lot of which are very archaic and haven’t changed or adapted for decades if not centuries. They certainly have not kept up with how quickly the world has catapulted into the high stress, fast paced tech instagram generation, or whatever endless array of name you wish to don upon present day. With a lot of us left in the shockwave of these technological and life changing leaps the world is constantly making on an exponential scale. Anyway I’ve gone slightly off piste with the foreword but it lays a foundation of context for what I’m trying to get at here. In simple terms it ISN’T ALL ABOUT iQ !!!!!!

Some of the most important if not the most important qualities of a person can be their emotional intelligence, especially when working with or leading others! We are very complex beings and although we share a lot of the same traits we are all inherently unique. Understanding, dealing with, processing and reading emotions are not always an easy task. They can be pretty full on at times! When you also throw things like language into the mix with all it’s nuances and sarcasm etc. Instant messaging for example (which often lacks the fundamental elements of conversation in what is being read, such as visual cues, facial expressions and tone. Which we heavely rely on to interpret whatever someone is trying to say, (thus accurately protraying the intended emotion). It’s not always all about the words alone. Even though sometimes it's almost entirely our own faults as we may try to say something but not really be saying it and then get frustrated when the other person didn't understand what we were really trying to convey. Misinterpretaions and misscomunications can sometimes heavily effect an emotional response.

Life can sometimes be a minefield of emotions some beauatiful some not so. A lot of life is feeling whatever we are feeling at the time, whichever emotion. Or you could be feeling an emotion in relation to an event from say 10 years ago perhaps! Or feeling anxious as we project a situation that hasn’t even happened yet. Our minds are powerful powerful things a lot is still a mystery and there is a lot we know if we delve deeper and gain more of an understanding. Taming the jellatenous floating beast that layeth within thy skull can certainly take a bit of getting used to! Using wellness tactics, methods, along with further understanding our emotions, as well as knowing how to identify them in others is mighty useful.

We all feel them in totally unique ways. But there are many of the big common ones I’m sure you have heard of such as, the at times illusive ‘happiness’. Or perhaps that annoying emotion that can lay in wait around the corner sometimes ready to pop out at the most inconvenient time possible, you guessed it ‘Anxiousness’! Unfortunately it isn’t as easy as writing a short letter to an emotion and popping it in the post along the lines of;

“Dear Anxiety (sadness, Anger, Fear, Loneliness, Jealousy which ever one etc.). I hope this finds you well, I do not wish to see you any more, what we once had is no more, I have blocked out the memory of the summer of ‘69 on the riviera together. Consider this our final interaction and please kindly P*ss Off!! Best regards, .....

Or the flipside of this silly example letter may be something like; Dear Happiness, I miss you so, I miss what we once had , I still think about that night when….. Anyway you get the picture....

If you’ve read this far you may be questioning your own sanity by now or asking yourself "What the hell is an Emotion? Here is a definition just to clarify the basic principle of an Emotion:

Emotions are biological states associated with the nervous system brought on by neurophysiological changes variously associated with thoughts, feelings, behavioural responses, and a degree of pleasure or displeasure. There is currently no scientific consensus on a definition ( Thanks Science, so useful!!) . But jokes aside genuinely thanks!

So where on earth were we ?..Well right here and now living in the present actually and that’s a rather good place to be! A lot of the trouble we find ourselves in, bogged down by emotions is because we have transported our mindset to a realm which is not the here and now but it’s in the past or future. Which has either been and gone and cannot be changed (until time travel machines are available to order from Amazon) or has not yet happened. One we can only imagine in a proportion that is highly unrealistic yet may feel completely real. We need focus and a lot of the times that involves being aware of our emotions and those of others. You may have heard about 'being mindful' or 'mindfulness'? Incorporating mindfullness into our daily lives can have enourmous benefits on many levels but particularly on processing our emotions and practicing just being with them in a compassionate introspective and curious way. Check out this link to a great free guided intro into mindfulness meditation Headspace

Anyway enough about that for now! What about Emotional intelligence exactly? Have a look at this one definition of emotional intelligence from Wikipedia and compare it to the prior definition of ‘Emotion’. "Is the capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one's goal(s). Although the term first appeared in 1964 it gained popularity in the 1995 book Emotional Intelligence, written by the science journalist Daniel Goleman.

Our emotions can define every action we take and every word we say if we let them, they are powerful powerful feelings and can completely take you for a ride, they can be the most wonderful and the most awful. Some are very very important, others need a bit of taming for some of us. The more we understand them the more we can read them in others. This results in better connections and interactions with each other socially and in the work place or a study environment. It can make the world of difference in performance outcomes alongside everyones wellbeing. The more we can learn about our unique selves and how we feel, read and process emotions, the better we can understand the whole concept of why emotional intelligence is so important.

As a comparison here is a definition of IQ ; "IQ , intelligence quotient An intelligence quotient (IQ) is a total score derived from a set of standardized tests or subtests designed to assess human intelligence”. ( now compare this to emotion and EQ, anything stand out?) Kind of vague right, missing a few valuable things do you think? definitely! We surely can't sustain a meaningful existence on iQ alone. Notice it doesn’t mention the word emotion at all. IQ and EQ are totally different. We need both but EQ is super important to allow us to use our IQ effectively and ethically. A little bit of understanding about emotions along with some proven practices can certainly help us on our way to a much happier more productive life with ourselves and all those around us.

I Hope something in this almighty ramble made some kind of sense!

Check out this link to an excellent in depth article regarding Chip Conley and emotional equations, by Tim Ferriss

Kia kaha.